About Those Perverts

These guys make the best victims. I've found there are 7 distinct classifications for perverts. I'm sure there are sub-classes, but this is the basics.

The Hormonal Teenager: can be any age; always trying to "score"; tries too hard; surfs porn sites regularly; has strong forearm muscles; knows how to type one-handed

The Comic: likes to tease; can be rude and crude, but does it for the laugh and shock value; similar to the kid in the playground pulling your ponytail

The Flirt: a nice guy; teases but hands out compliments at the same time; always in a good mood; a lover not a fighter

The 007: Mr. Smooth; high-brow (dry) humor; very subtle; usually says the right things; a lover and a fighter

The Idiot: not to be confused with the Hormonal Teenager; not naive - just plain dumb; these guys think those cheesy pick-up lines work and get confused when they don't

The Asshole: never funny; makes dead baby jokes; talks shit about your mother, or sister, or kids; always trying to piss you off

The Einstein: the Genius; has the answers for everything; their mind is usually on the game, BUT has the ability to surprise you with qualities of any or all groups (sometimes called the complex pervert)

Now "The Boys", as I call them, led to many, many interesting conversations. Usually all across World Chat. It made for great comedy, and at the expense of their manhood and sanity. I bartended way too long with too many drunken redneck perverts not to have some kind of scathing remark for them. There is nothing better than shooting down one of these guys with the right verbal jab.

I can only remember once that I was at a loss for words. Thank god it was in alliance chat and late one night (so nobody saw it - I had a reputation to uphold). It just so happened to be one of those Einstein's that did it. I was teasing him and said some smart-ass remark. He had a comeback that shut me up right then and there. Took me totally off-guard. I never saw it coming.

But I'll never tell him...